


The Only Way Out Is Through

by Sheetmusicjunkie



Series: Jeff and Abed - Queer and Healthy [2]
Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Abed is a service top, Belly Kink, Domestic Fluff, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Safewords, Stuffing, Weed, Weight Gain, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:33:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29338356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheetmusicjunkie/pseuds/Sheetmusicjunkie
Summary: Somewhere among the pushups and salads and empty pantry shelves Jeff knew that he was going to have to admit to having a problem at some point. But the years passed, and nothing happened. He got dates and gym friends and people asking him for lifting tips, but no one asked him why he wasn’t eating lunch. Jeff tried not to care, he tried to be glad that no one had noticed. But sometimes, when he was at the grocery store staring at the peanut butter with a cart full of vegetables and salmon, wracked with anxiety at the thought of putting one of his favorite childhood foods in his body, Jeff wished someone would say something.And then Abed happened.
Relationships: Abed Nadir/Jeff Winger
Series: Jeff and Abed - Queer and Healthy [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154984
Comments: 11
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes a lot from my own experiences battling an ED through my own adulthood. Getting past this stuff and facing the big fear of maybe being fat is hard. I never went to therapy for it, instead I had a bunch of resources and important relationships in my life that helped me rebuild my relationships with food and exercise. If anyone reading this is struggling feel free to reach out to me either on here or in twitter @ModernRicePanic. I love you all and I want you all to be healthy. 
> 
> As always, notes/comments/questions are always appreciated!

Somewhere among the pushups and salads and empty pantry shelves Jeff knew that he was going to have to admit to having a problem at some point. But the years passed, and nothing happened. He got dates and gym friends and people asking him for lifting tips, but no one asked him why he wasn’t eating lunch. Jeff tried not to care, he tried to be glad that no one had noticed. But sometimes, when he was at the grocery store staring at the peanut butter with a cart full of vegetables and salmon, wracked with anxiety at the thought of putting one of his favorite childhood foods in his body, Jeff wished someone would say something. 

Because Jeff was exhausted and doing this was getting harder every day. Jeff was 40 now, and the older he got the harder it was. He hadn’t tasted a carb in years, his knees complained every time he got on the treadmill, his back was constantly pinched. All he wanted was pizza and a nap, Jeff just wanted to stop. 

And then Abed happened. 

Jeff has no idea how Abed happened, but a movie night turned into a lunch date turned into weekends camped out in Jeff’s bed watching 80’s sci-fi. Before Jeff knew it they were a thing. And it was great, Abed was funny and calm and had a complete lack of bullshit. But it was terrifying because Abed definitely knew that Jeff wasn’t okay. Abed was nothing if not observant, and after nearly two decades of no one saying anything about what Jeff was doing, Jeff was very bad at hiding. 

Things came to a head on a Sunday two months into their relationship. It was grey and rainy and Jeff wanted to do anything except pull himself out from under Abed. Jeff was reluctantly struggling into a compression shirt and shorts while Abed remained wrapped up in his soft blue duvet, playing on his phone, his hair a ruffled mess on top of his head that was too adorable for Jeff to stand.   
“So when are we going to talk about your eating disorder?” Abed said out of the blue, looking up from his phone to watch Jeff nearly fall over while putting on his socks. 

Jeff didn’t think he had heard right. “I’m sorry what?” 

Abed set the phone down and propped himself up on one elbow, the duvet sliding off of one shoulder distractingly. “When are we going to talk about your eating disorder?” He leveled Jeff with those soft dark eyes, his face carefully neutral. 

Jeff swallowed thickly, his socks forgotten. “I don’t-“

“Listen babe,” Abed said, the pet name rolling out of his mouth easily “are we going to do the denial trope? You deny what’s going on and I beg you in tears to put our relationship first? I eventually gather all of our friends together in an intervention?” 

“Oh god, never.” Jeff blanched. 

Abed smiled and pushed himself to sitting, abandoning the warmth of the blankets and scooting over to the edge of the bed. He reached out to Jeff, pulling him to stand between Abed’s knees. “So if that’s not an option, what are we going to do?” He looked up at Jeff, his chin on Jeff’s stomach, his hands running over Jeff’s sides soothingly. 

Jeff sighed, running his hands through Abed’s hair. “Abed, what am I supposed to say to that?” 

Abed shrugged “you don’t have to say anything” he scooted back and lifted the corner of the duvet invitingly. “But you could come back to bed and watch Alien with me instead of going to the gym.” 

Jeff could feel his heart in is throat as he looked at Abed, soft and sleep rumpled and asking him to spend the day with him in bed. He ran a hand over his face and noticed that it was shaking. “I want to…” he said, feeling stuck in place. 

Abed leaned forward and took Jeff’s hand, pulling him gently back into bed. Abed pulled the covers around them and hooked one of his legs through Jeff’s. Everything was warm and Abed’s hand was on the back of Jeff’s neck and the thought going to the gym was even less appealing than it was before. But he could feel his anxiety climbing. 

“Look, we don’t have to do anything big right now, I know this is a lot.” Abed said, giving Jeff a chaste kiss while massaging the back of his neck. 

Jeff nodded and curled himself around Abed, pressing his face into Abed’s neck. “Yeah” 

“You know how with my anxiety, sometimes the only way to stop it is to not do the thing I want to do?” 

“Like when you keep checking the lock on the front door.” Jeff mumbled into Abed’s neck. 

Abed nodded, leaning back against the pillows and taking Jeff with him, his arm wrapped around Jeff’s shoulders. “Exactly, sometimes the only way out is through.” 

Jeff sighed, feeling prickly all of a sudden. “So what does that mean right now?”

With one arm still around Jeff, Abed picked up the remote to Jeff’s bedroom TV – a new addition since Abed came into his life. Abed flipped to Hulu and started queuing up Alien. “It means you probably shouldn’t go to the gym today. And it means that if your anxiety is telling you to do something, you should probably do the opposite.”

Jeff scoffed but didn’t move from his position with his head on Abed’s shoulder. “So what, I should never go to the gym again? I should laze around in bed eating pizza, turning myself into a blob of fat?” 

Abed cracked a smile at that, and turned his head to look down at Jeff. “mm that’s a little dramatic, you’re not going to turn into a blob of fat, that’s physically impossible.”

Jeff huffed out a laugh at that. 

“But if the only thing that keeps you going to the gym is your anxiety, then yes you should stop going to the gym. And if you want to relax and eat pizza, then you should.” Abed turned back to the TV, his thumb hovering over the ‘enter’ button on the remote. “You deserve to be happy and comfortable Jeff, it would be nice to see you relax a little.” Abed didn’t wait for a response, he pushed play on the movie. 

As the title screen came up and Abed got pulled into the movie Jeff was left with a heavy feeling in his stomach. Jeff wasn’t stupid, he knew that going to the gym was fueled by anxiety and fear and this need to punish himself. He had known for a while that it wasn’t healthy, and that he was tired of doing it. But it felt like if he relaxed his whole world would fly to bits. 

Jeff looked up at Abed, who was absorbed in the movie, and felt the smallest spark of hope spring up in the middle of his anxiety. Maybe it would be nice to turn his world upside down again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeff eats pizza and discovers that feeling sexy can happen no matter what state his body is in.

Jeff didn’t go to the gym that day, but he did try to go on Monday. He even made it out of the locker room and onto the treadmill. But he couldn’t make himself turn it on, he just kept staring at the settings on the machine and thinking about how much he didn’t want to be there. The gym was cold, his running shoes were uncomfortable, he didn’t want to be around the sweaty gym people. He wanted to go home. The little anxious voice in the back of his head was chanting “fatfatfatfatfatfatfat.”

“Sometimes the only way out is through.” He murmured to himself. Jeff stepped off the treadmill and went back to the locker room, if he avoided the mirror on his way back, that was his business.   
Jeff started doing some research and was terrified the whole time. 

He googled things like “eating disorders” and “how to stop going to the gym” and was overwhelmed by the articles. He wanted to throw his laptop out a window. All of the resources were so cliché or overly scientific and packed with information. 

And it was all women. Straight white women from the looks of it. 

He found clinicians to follow on Instagram of all places that offered the right balance of informational and encouraging wrapped in those neat infographics Instagram did so well. Things started to click into place a little more easily. 

Two weeks after the initial “Jeff you deserve to be happy” conversation, and Jeff still hadn’t been able to go back to the gym. He had tried when the anxiety got too much but never got past the locker room. Abed had noticed, of course, but said nothing, clearly waiting for Jeff to bring it up first. 

Jeff and Abed were sprawled out on the couch at Jeff’s apartment, a reality show playing in the background while they both scrolled through their phones aimlessly. It was Monday night and they were both exhausted. 

“What should we do for dinner?” Abed asked, looking up from his phone. 

“Mmm, I’m not sure, you decide.” Jeff responded, buried deep in a twitter thread of idiots who didn’t know what the first amendment was for. 

Abed set his phone down and crawled across the couch to sprawl bodily over Jeff, distracting him from his phone. “If you let me do that then I’m going to get pizza, and you never eat when I order pizza.” Abed complained, pouting. 

Jeff smiled and wrapped his arms around Abed. It was true, whenever Abed got take-out or delivery that didn’t have a healthy option Jeff usually made his own dinner and watched Abed devour a whole pizza by himself. Jeff wanted pizza of course, it looked much better than his usual salad, but those days had rarely landed on one of his cheat days. But now… Jeff’s stomach growled at the thought. “What if I told you I would eat pizza if you ordered it?” 

Abed perked up a little. “Really?”

Jeff nodded. “Really.”

“Awesome” Abed breathed, kissing Jeff and launching himself up, grabbing for his phone. “What kind of toppings do you want?” Abed asked, opening the delivery app.

“Uh….” Jeff’s mind immediately started dividing “good” and “bad” toppings to counteract the carbs from the crust. He wondered briefly if there was a crustless option. “No idea, you choose.” 

“Cheese it is.” Abed said placing the order quickly and going back to sprawling over Jeff, who felt a little bit like he was going to crawl out of his own skin. There was pizza coming here and he was going to eat it outside of a cheat day. The weight and heat of Abed pressed against him was grounding at least. Abed laid his head on Jeff’s chest and they watched TV for a moment in silence. 

“I was thinking” Jeff said. 

“Hmm?” 

“I don’t like going to the gym.” Jeff said, swallowing down the anxiety sitting in his chest. He needed to talk about something other than their food and it was the only other thing he could think about. There was pizza coming, he was going to eat pizza and he wasn’t going to the gym today. There was the little voice in the back of his head chanting “fatfatfatfatfatfat.”

“That makes sense” Abed said, not lifting his head from Jeff’s chest. “Going to the gym sounds terrible.” 

Jeff huffed a laugh. “Yeah it’s not great. But until recently thought it was something I just had to do.”

“Why?” Abed asked, lifting his head up to look at Jeff. 

“I don’t know, I thought it was part of being a good adult. You go to the gym and keep yourself healthy.” Jeff played with Abed’s hair while he was talking. 

“So what did you think people who don’t go to the gym were? Bad adults?” He was frowning at Jeff in that very Abed way, with a little wrinkle forming above his nose. 

Jeff raised his eyebrows. “I don’t know, I guess I did… I just didn’t understand, I still don’t understand, what people are doing when they don’t take care of their bodies.” 

“Hm” Abed got up as his phone pinged letting him know that the pizza was here. “And what do those resources you’ve been looking at say about that?” He asked, raising his eyebrows at Jeff before leaving to go meet the pizza guy downstairs. 

Without anything else to do and too much nervous energy running through his body Jeff got up to grab plates and napkins from the kitchen, setting them out on the coffee table in the living room and pulling a bottle of wine out of the fridge. He was standing next to the coffee table, looking at their dinner set up and fidgeting, while trying to make it look like he wasn’t fidgeting, when Abed came back in with the pizza. 

Abed saw the plates and wine and smiled, raising his eyebrows. “Nice.” He said, sitting down on the couch and placing the pizza box on the remaining free space on the coffee table. He flipped the lid up and wordlessly dished their food up. When he was done, he looked up at Jeff, who was still standing next to the coffee table, shuffling his feet awkwardly. Abed patted the couch next to him with a small smile. 

“Let me go get the corkscrew and glasses first.” Jeff said before retreating into the kitchen. Jeff went to the kitchen and back, appreciating that Abed said nothing. He opened and poured the wine, psyching himself up for the carbs and grease he was about to consume. He handed Abed his glass as he sat down next to him, eyeing the pizza on his own plate wearily. 

Abed said nothing, picking his own pizza up and taking a bite while queuing up ‘The Quiet Earth.’ 

Jeff’s stomach rumbles almost painfully at the smell of the pizza and finally hunger wins over his anxiety. He picks up the pizza and bites into it, sighing at the taste. It’s too greasy and the sauce is sweet and it’s perfect. “What is this movie about?” Jeff asks before taking a second bite. 

“It’s about the last man on earth.” Abed replies, his second slice already eaten. 

Jeff ate both slices before he felt overfull and bloated. He leaned back on the couch, slowly working on his second glass of wine. He watched Abed destroy half a pizza before he leaned back next to Jeff with his own untouched glass. 

“So how was that?” Abed asked, pausing the movie and turning slightly to get a better look at Jeff. 

Jeff sighed “it was fantastic.” He said, shifting to sit up and grunting a little at the pressure on his full stomach. “I feel pretty bloated now though.” He looked down to see, with a mix of horror and awe, that his stomach was slightly distended. 

Abed nodded, sipping at his wine. “It’s been a while since you’ve been full, is it a good bloated or a bad bloated?”

Jeff looked up and frowned at Abed. “Is there any kind of bloated but bad?” 

Abed shrugged. “Yeah.” He took one look at Jeff’s scrunched up face and drank more of his wine before explaining. “There’s painful bloated, and then there’s like… sexy bloated.” 

Jeff scoffed. “Abed there is no such thing as sexy bloating.” 

Abed shrugged again and said nothing, turning to play the movie. 

“Just out of curiosity.” Jeff said. “What does sexy bloating feel like?”

Abed pulled his hand away from the remote, shifting to set his glass down on the coffee table before turning back to Jeff. “Can I touch you?” Abed asked. 

Jeff nodded, still frowning. 

Abed scooted closer to Jeff, getting into his personal space and reaching forward to push up the hem of Jeff’s shirt up over his stomach. Abed placed a his hand on Jeff’s stomach, his thumb playing with the edge of his belly button. His other hand coming up to cup the back of Jeff’s neck “I think you look good like this.” Abed said, giving Jeff a heated look. 

Jeff swallowed thickly, Abed looked so good right now, so masculine. He was surrounding Jeff, and he was giving him that look, like Jeff was the sexiest thing on the planet. He looked down, his full stomach was pushing into Abed’s surprisingly warm palm. The thumb pulling at the edge of his bellybutton sending a confusing mix of shame and heat down to his groin. “I uh… see what you mean by sexy bloated.”

Abed grinned, leaning forward and kissing Jeff softly. “I think this is going to be more fun than you thought babe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This development, linking being full, and eating what I want, to being desirable was an important aspect of my healing. I just happen to be kinky. I'm sorry if it's too much but I thought it was sweet.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! This chapter took a turn I didn't expect. Let me know what you think.

After their pizza night Jeff decided to try what the Instagram therapists called “intuitive eating.” Which basically meant eating whatever he wanted when his body was hungry. The idea sounded great in theory but in practice was harder than he thought it would be. 

“It makes sense” Britta said on Saturday over lunch. “You’ve been on a diet for so long you have no idea what your body’s natural rhythms are.” She nodded to herself, self-satisfied with her wisdom as she bit down on a french fry. 

Weekly lunches outside of Greendale had become a thing for Jeff and Britta over the last year. Once they had decided to just be friends they realized they both needed to eat at places with better coffee outside of a cafeteria setting. They both needed to feel like adults over the age of thirty once in a while. This week they were at a kind of high-class diner – there were sandwiches and burgers on the menu but they offered garlic fries, vegan options, and espresso. The tables were actually wood instead of chipped formica. It was very hipster, Britta loved it. 

“I don’t think ‘natural rhythms’ are the issue here.” Jeff said while looking over the menu. His air quotes could be very clearly heard. “The issue is that I don’t actually know what foods I like. I haven’t eaten what I wanted since I was twenty.” 

“What did you like when you were twenty?” Britta asked, emptying two packets of sugar into her drip coffee and reaching for the bowl of creamer packets. They had a plate of fries between them that they were both picking at. 

Jeff shrugged, folding the menu and reaching for his own coffee – a cappuccino. Normally he would never order something like that, too much milk, too many calories. But Jeff wanted one. Britta had given him a small smile when he had ordered it and Jeff had tried to ignore the small lump that had formed in his throat in response. “I don’t know, I loved sandwiches, and stuff like this.” He gestured to his coffee. 

“What kind of sandwiches?” Britta asked with raised eyebrows. 

“All sandwiches.” Jeff said. “But especially turkey, a place near my apartment in law school used to make cranberry and turkey sandwiches.” Jeff smiled at the memory. 

Britta grinned. “That sounds awesome.” She waved the server over. “Yes, my friend would like a turkey sandwich with… fries?” She looked at Jeff, who nodded. “And I’ll take the meatless blue cheese burger, also with fries.” 

Jeff rolled his eyes at Britta’s order once the server was gone. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Britta said, popping another fry into her mouth. 

\----

A few months passed, with Jeff exploring a relationship with food that felt very new and fragile. He was alive with raw nerve endings while ordering food and eating, it was vulnerable and terrifying and Jeff knew that if anyone said anything he would shut down completely. But no one said anything. No one in the study group made any comment about what was on Jeff’s plate. This either meant that Jeff had been right all along and no one had noticed what he was eating, or it meant that someone had threatened them into silence. Jeff suspected Abed and Britta to be the culprits. 

Summer vacation came, and Jeff wouldn’t say that he was happier, but he definitely felt like there was more room in his brain to enjoy other things that had been weighted own with the anxiety of food. The study group got together at least once a week to have dinner and drink while talking over a movie that Abed had picked specifically because he thought it was trash and wanted to talk over it. Jeff got to enjoy being social, and he got to have that warm and full feeling that came with a good dinner, a glass of wine, and having friends surround him.

The dinners petered off around mid-summer, Annie had an internship to finish, Troy was visiting his grandparents out of state, Shirley was busy driving her kids to day camp and helping with a new bible group, Britta decided to go visit some old anarchist friends in Seattle and wasn’t heard from for the rest of the summer. 

Jeff and Abed spent the rest of the summer fulfilling an item on Abed’s college bucket list, which was named appropriately “stoner comedy summer.” Jeff dug up every classic stoner comedy he could find and they watched them all while sprawled out on the couch passing a joint between them. Abed always insisted on rolling, perched on the couch in shorts and a tank top in the morning with the rolling tray balanced on his lap. Jeff would watch Abed’s slim, steady hands roll perfectly tapered joints one right after the other. They would smoke in the mornings and go get coffee. If it was raining they would go home, curl up in Jeff’s bed and watch movies. If it was sunny they would go hiking and play Frisbee golf with a backpack full of beer and snacks. Abed tried to get into hacky sack, which Jeff wanted nothing to do with. They together made it a mission to track down every taco place they could find in the state of Colorado so they could rank them in a complicated bracket system Abed had designed. They would take long lazy drives where they would take turns picking the music or audiobook. 

By the end of the summer they both had tans and toned calves. Abed was wearing nothing but t-shirts, board shorts, and slip on Van’s. Jeff had carefully grown out his beard and had started wearing sneakers and jeans instead of chinos and dress shoes. Abed had called it his “daddy stoner” look, which Jeff only partially liked. 

But summer had to end eventually, and before they knew it they were both trolling amazon for bargain priced textbooks. 

Jeff hadn’t thought seriously about food in months. He hadn’t gone to the gym in months. He felt relaxed and good, his body felt good. For the first time in a long time his knees didn’t hurt, which he could either blame the weed or the shoes that supported his arches for, Jeff refused to think about it too much though. 

Jeff knew he had gained weight, he had noticed it in bits and pieces over the summer. His jeans were a little tighter around the waist, his shirt clung to his chest and stomach more. But he hadn’t taken the time to think about it, and Abed didn’t seem to care. 

It came to a head a week before the semester started. Jeff had just stepped out of the shower, the fan was clearing steam from the room. Jeff was leaning over the sink, taking the time to trim and oil his beard. He couldn’t believe how much time he saved on a daily basis by not shaving. Jeff set down his trimming scissors and stepped back from the sink, he looked to his right at the full length mirror on the back of the door and paused. His heart sinking a little. 

He was started by how different his reflection was. 

Jeff was standing there in his black boxer briefs. His thighs thicker, his calves looking great. His eyes roamed upwards to his stomach which was…. Not his stomach anymore. There was a distinct layer of fat over Jeff’s abdomen now, nothing dramatic by any means, but it was noticeable. Jeff saw how it made his belly button look a little wider, he gently placed a hand on his stomach and jiggled it a little, noticing how it moved. His chest was softer too. He noticed this as he placed a hand there, pressing his fingertips into the new layer of fat experimentally. There was a smattering of chest hair that had traces of grey in it. His beard had grey hair in it. Hell even his hair did. 

Jeff staired at himself a moment longer before grabbing the shirt he had brought into the bathroom and pulling it over his head. He saw in his reflection the way it sat on his torso, clinging to the new layer of fat on his body. He didn’t know how to feel. 

He walked out into the living room where Abed was perched on the arm of the couch, packing the bowl of a huge multicolor, batman themed bong he had special ordered at the beginning of the summer. “I still think you’re wrong about there being an age limit to using a bong.” Abed said in lieu of a greeting, taking a hit while Jeff went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Jeff handed Abed the water when he came back, just as Abed broke off mid exhale into a horse cough. 

“That-” Jeff said, pointing to Abed, who was shakily drinking his water. “is why I say there’s an age limit to bongs. Past a certain age I’m just not willing to hack a lung out for the sake of getting high.” 

Abed nodded, moving from his perch on the arm of the couch so he could sit on the cushions properly. “I see your point.” He said, voice still raspy. “But I’m not willing to give it up yet.” Abed looked up at Jeff, the late afternoon sun filtering in through the windows and highlighting the golden brown of Abed’s eyes. Something must have shown on Jeff’s face because Abed frowned after looking at him for a moment. “Is something wrong?’ 

Jeff sighed, crossing his arms and shifting his weight into one hip. “I’ve gained weight, right?” He asked, staring down at the coffee table instead of Abed.

He saw Abed out of the corner of his eye shift so he was leaning further back against the couch. “Yes, of course you have. Why?” Abed sounded surprised more than anything else. 

Jeff felt his stomach drop and his throat tighten. “I-I don’t know. It’s stupid I guess.” 

Abed pushed himself up off the couch and came over to Jeff, touching the side of his face gently to get him to look at Abed. “You’re upset.” Abed said after studying Jeff’s face for a moment. Jeff half smiled despite himself. 

“Yes, I am.” Jeff confirmed, reaching up to smooth one of his hands over Abed’s chest. Abed’s shirt was a worn olive green with a print of a bass on it, the fabric was soft like all of Abed’s shirts.

“Because of your weight.” Abed said. More of a statement then a question. 

Jeff nodded. 

“Come on.” Abed said, taking Jeffs hand and leading him back to their bedroom. 

“Babe I love your enthusiasm.” Jeff said as he was pulled down the hallway. “But I don’t think I’m in the mood right now.” 

Abed gave Jeff one of those ‘I’m so done with you’ flat expressions over his shoulder before leading Jeff into the ensuite bathroom. The air was still humid from Jeff’s shower. Abed gently closed the bathroom door before maneuvering Jeff to stand in front of the mirror, Abed standing slightly behind him with his hands on Jeff’s hips. 

“Okay” Abed said. “I’m assuming that you saw your reflection in this mirror and had a realization that’s very in line with your character development, so tell me what you’re thinking.” 

There was a moment of silence. Jeff staired at his reflection, taking in his appearance in contrast with Abed - who was pulling a joint out of his pocket and coolly lighting it while Jeff got his thoughts together. Jeff had four inches and probably a hundred pounds on Abed, who was forever slim and muscular no matter what he did. 

“I look old.” Jeff said after a moment, taking the joint when Abed offered it. He hit it and let the smoke sit in his lungs for a moment before exhaling through his nostrils, still staring at his reflection. 

“You look like you’re 40.” Abed retorted gently, rubbing a hand over Jeff’s side. “A very, very hot 40 year old.” 

Jeff snorted. “I have… this now.” Jeff said, tentatively bringing up a hand to his stomach, which his shirt clung to. 

“What? Your little belly?” Abed said, taking the joint back from Jeff and hitting it. Abed blew the smoke up into the air of the bathroom, watching the smoke get sucked up into the fan. He set the joint on the counter before crowding into Jeff’s space, pressing their chests together and wrapping his arms around Jeff’s waist. “I like it.” 

Jeff raised his eyebrows, wrapping his arms around Abed’s shoulders. “Yeah? You like your old man boyfriend with the extra layer of fat?” 

Abed nodded, leaning up to kiss Jeff. “Yes. Do you know why?” Abed asked. 

Jeff shook his head, leaning down to kiss Abed right below his ear. “No.” Jeff said. 

Abed pulled back to look Jeff in the eyes. “Because you’re 40 and you look 40.” Abed said with an earnest expression. “Believe it or not, I like that you’re older, and I like it when you’re comfortable with your own age. And this body-“ Abed gave Jeff a little squeeze “and this beard” Abed reached up to scratch under Jeff’s chin like he was a cat “show that you’re older and comfortable with that.”

Jeff couldn’t help but laugh, a flush working it’s way up his neck. “You are… the fucking sweetest.” Jeff said through the last of his laughter. “Why do you like that I’m older though? Don't you want to be with someone who at least seems young?” 

Abed shrugged. “You know who you are, and you know what you want. You don’t take my problems and make them mean something about yourself, and you expect me to act my own age. Someone younger wouldn’t necessarily do that.” Abed said, his arms still wrapped around Jeff’s waist. “I also like that our relationship subverts the ‘queer male age-difference’ trope.”

Jeff didn’t know how to react, so he pulled Abed close, resting his chin on top of Abed’s head. “I really make you feel that way?” He asked, voice watery. 

Jeff felt felt Abed nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How hot is stoner daddy Jeff? 1000/10 in my book. 
> 
> Question: should I write a seperate story just based on Jeff and Abed's stoner summer? I think the answer is yes. AND I INVITE EVERYONE TO WRITE MORE QUEER STONER LOVE STORIES. I mean come on, the show is set in Colorado. 
> 
> A lot of Jeff and Abed's stoner adventures are taken from my own summers during both undergrad and grad school, I'm even basing Abed's look off of an old roommate I used to have - except I had to spend some of my time working. I have no idea where they're getting the money to have a summer like this, but I'm going to pretend that they aren't tied down by this capitalist hellscape as much as I am.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooookay. This chapter has smut! But reader beware, this is belly kink smut! You have been warned, so I won't accept complaints.

One of the interesting side effects of Jeff’s weight gain was what it did to Jeff’s sex life. Jeff’s biggest fear when he stopped dieting was that he was going to gain weight and Abed wouldn’t want him anymore. And Jeff had definitely gained weight, but the effect it seemed to have on Abed was exactly the opposite of what Jeff expected. 

The rational part of Jeff’s brain had predicted that Abed wouldn’t care about his weight gain. The disordered part of Jeff’s brain predicted that Abed would be disgusted with him and would leave him for someone younger and hotter. What Jeff hadn’t predicted was Abed being into Jeff’s new, softer, belly. 

Like really into it. 

They would be having sex, Jeff on top with Abed splayed out below him, his long legs wrapped around Jeff, his hair a sweaty mess. And Abed’s hands, the entire time they were fucking would be drawn back to Jeff’s belly. His fingers squishing and feeling and exploring the new layer of fat there. Abed would reach around to gently grab at Jeff’s love handles, pulling Jeff closer. The whole feeling of having this new part of him openly admired during sex brought an intense mixture of lust and shame with it that made Jeff painfully hard. 

It was really confusing. 

Things finally came to a head one afternoon while he and Abed were splayed out on the couch watching TV. Abed was leaning against Jeff’s shoulder with one of his hands on Jeff’s stomach, his fingers absently groping his belly through his t-shirt. Abed didn’t seem to notice, but Jeff definitely did. 

“He babe.” Jeff said, breaking the quiet of the apartment probably for the first time in hours. That was one of the reasons the two of them got along so well, they both liked being quiet.

“Hm?” Abed looked up at Jeff. 

“Could I uh, ask you something?” Jeff said, finding his throat suddenly dry. 

“Sure. What’s up?” Abed asked, turning to look back at the TV. Jeff was grateful for the lack of eye contact. 

“You seem really, uh, into my new… fat.” Jeff said, trailing off lamely, unsure in the slightest about how to broach this topic.

“I’m definitely into you’re new fat, especially your little belly.” Abed said, patting Jeff’s belly affectionately while he said it. The gesture alone giving Jeff heart palpitations as that confusing mesh of shame and lust swooped through him. Abed turned to look up at Jeff again. “That’s not a question though.” 

“Leave it to you to get caught on semantics while having a conversation like this.” Jeff grumbled. “What I wanted to ask was, why?” 

Abed actually sat up at the question, turning on the couch to actually face Jeff. Abed’s face was open and curious, which eased Jeff’s anxiety a little. “You want to know why I like your belly?”   
Jeff nodded. 

“Hm, it’s hard to explain.” Abed said, thoughtfully reaching out a hand again to feel Jeff’s belly. Abed’s palm was warm against him even through Jeff’s shirt. “It’s warm and soft, I like the way it feels, I like the way it jiggles.” Abed jiggled Jeff’s stomach for emphasis. Jeff resisted the sudden need to reach down and adjust himself at that, he could feel his cheeks growing hot. “I like what your belly means too.”

Jeff frowned. “What it means?”

“Yeah.” Abed said, scooting a little closer. “You got this belly because you were nice to yourself. You got this belly eating good food with me. This belly means that you’re happier now.”   
Jeff smiled a little at that. “That’s sweet baby.” He said, reaching out to cup the back of Abed’s neck to pull him into a kiss. 

“Besides.” Abed said, pulling away just enough to murmur against Jeff’s lips. “It turns you on.”

Jeff panicked, “I-, what?” He spluttered, leaning away a little bit. 

Abed pulled back enough to give Jeff some space. Abed was ginning. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe the tent in your sweatpants.” Abed said, trailing his hand down to the crotch of Jeff’s pants to press the palm of his hand against the erection Jeff was making every effort to ignore. 

Jeff groaned at the pressure on his dick. He wanted the floor to swallow him up in that moment, but he also never wanted Abed to stop. 

“What’s the matter baby?” Abed said, shifting his position so he was straddling Jeff instead of leaning on him. Abed pressing his ass lightly against Jeff’s crotch. “You like it when I tease you? When I touch your big soft belly?” Abed slid his hands down to the hem of Jeff’s shirt, teasing it up just enough to play with the soft skin just below Jeff’s belly button. 

Jeff groaned, his hands coming to Abed’s hips, clutching them helplessly. “It’s not that big.” He mumbled petulantly. 

“No, you’re right, its not that big.” Abed agreed, leaning back and putting his hands on Jeff’s chest. “I was actually going to as you something too.” Abed said. 

Jeff pressed his hips up, grinding lightly against Abed’s ass. “Hm, is it something that can wait until later?” 

Abed shrugged. “It can, but it does have to do with sex.” 

“Oh? Well then ask me.” Jeff said, pausing his movement to settle back down into the couch. His hands messaging Abed’s hips through the material of his jeans, his arousal simmering low in his stomach. Abed had an odd sense of timing when it came to talking about pretty much anything. But if it was about sex Jeff was almost always willing to stop and listen no matter what they were doing, because it was usually well worth the patience. 

“How do I say this.” Abed said, pressing his hands together and staring over Jeff’s shoulder for a moment.

“Bluntly” Jeff supplied. 

Abed nodded. “You’re right.” Abed shifted in Jeff’s lap, putting his hands on Jeff’s shoulders and looking directly into his eyes. “Jeff, I want to stuff you with food and then I want to fuck your brains out.” 

Jeff blinked, taken aback, heat pooling in the bottom of his stomach. “Well that was certainly blunt. I think you’re going to have to explain it a little more to me though.”

\---------------------------------

Jeff and Abed ended up having a long talk after that. Turns out, Abed had a serious thing for Jeff’s belly, and round soft bellies in general. He couldn’t really explain it to Jeff, except to say that he thought it was sexy. 

“It’s taboo, and it has this implication of indulgence, and that’s hot.” Abed had said, with a shrug. 

“So what about the stuffing me full of food part?” Jeff asked. 

“It’s the same concept, its about taboo indulgence. I want to offer you and feed you all of this food that people label as ‘bad’ I want to fill you with it until you’re overfull, and see your belly get big and round with it.” Abed had said this almost casually, laying his hand on Jeff’s belly while he did so. 

The whole concept was really weird to Jeff. It felt wrong and strange to focus on something as unsexy to Jeff as bellies. But he couldn’t deny that it took the shame he felt, about food, about his body, the fear he felt about becoming truly fat, and made it into something different, alluring. It made him feel hot all over to think about over-indulging in food past the point of comfort and having someone there who thought it was hot. It was tempting, and it gave Jeff anxiety thinking about it. 

But he couldn’t leave it alone once Abed brought it up. One night after getting out of the shower, Jeff was toweling off his hair, looking at himself in the mirror on the back of the door. Jeff stopped and took in his belly, placing a hand on it, rubbing gently over the surface of his stomach. He felt a small thrill go through him. He had been avoiding looking at this part of his body since he had gained weight. It wasn’t large by any measure, just a layer of fat on top of the muscle that used to be defined. He let his hand drift lower, cupping the underside and jiggling it slightly, watching it move in the mirror. He turned to the side, seeing how he had rounded out very slightly. He imagined it full and round and full of food, or water, and felt a thrill run through him and made his mouth run dry. 

Jeff opened the bathroom door and stood on the threshold of the bedroom. Abed was sitting in bed in a t-shirt and boxers, rolling a joint and humming along to the lo-fi playing from his laptop.   
“I wanna try it.” Jeff said, the words tumbling out before he could stop. 

Abed looked up, raising his eyebrows. “Really?” He asked, not even needing context for what Jeff was saying. 

Jeff nodded, flushing. “Yes.”

“Awesome.” Abed breathed, his eyes sparkling. 

\---------------------------------

They ended up talking some more, laying out boundaries and getting a feel for what they were both into. They settled on something more casual, a night at home with Jeff and Abed together overindulging in whatever food the two of them wanted. Abed chose pizza and soda, which did not surprise Jeff, he had seen Abed destroy and entire large pizza by himself without blinking.   
Jeff struggled with what he wanted, and eventually made an unusual choice. Watermelon. Jeff wanted to eat an entire large watermelon. 

“Did you pick that because you’re afraid of calories?” Abed asked skeptically, looking at the huge watermelon sitting on their countertop next to the large pizza Abed had just picked up. 

Jeff shook his head. “That’s what I thought at first, but I just… couldn’t get the idea of having all of this.” Jeff set his hand on the watermelon that was easily twice as large as his head. “Inside of me. I love watermelon.” 

Abed wrapped his arms around Jeff and stretching up to place a kiss on the side of his jaw. “You want to turn your belly into a big sloshy watermelon?” He asked, grinning. 

“Maybe.” Jeff said coyly, feeling uncharacteristically shy.

“You’re so hot.” Abed said, nibbling on his ear, pushing his groin against the side of Jeff’s hip. 

“Easy there, save that enthusiasm for later.” Jeff said, tilting Abed’s face up to kiss him properly before gently pushing him away. “Now go get the cutting board, we’ve got prep to do.”

\---------------------------------

“This might have been a mistake.” Jeff said, eyeing the coffee table in front of them, which was hidden under all the food. In retrospect it wasn’t that much food, but all together like this it looked like a lot. The extra-large pizza box and two-liter of soda taking up one end of the coffee table while two large bowls full of cubed watermelon and a pitcher of water took up the other.

“We can always call it if you decide it’s too much.” Abed said, lighting a blunt and passing it to Jeff, who took it gratefully. “What’s the safeword?” 

“Banana” Jeff says, blowing smoke up and towards the ceiling fan. 

They sat there for a minute, smoking the blunt down to its end while debating on what to watch. They had decided that it would be best for Jeff if they did this casually, while stoned and watching TV. The weed haze fell over both of them slowly, the day’s stress and anxiety going with it. They were both dressed in sweats and t-shirts, Jeff wearing one of his older shirts that was a little too tight for him these days, because Abed had requested it. The couch was soft and comfortable, and the food looked amazing. They both reached for their food without much thought. 

Jeff happily pulled the first bowl, which was piled high with about half of the watermelon cubed up, into his lap. He scooted back on the couch, crossed his legs and tucked in with a fork. It was the perfect season for watermelon, the cubes were pleasantly crunchy and sweet. Jeff got lost in a weed munchy haze, absently eating cube after cube while alternating between watching Tiger King and watching Abed steadily work away at his pizza, stopping occasionally to drink directly from the bottle of Coke, a habit that grossed Jeff out to no end. Abed would stop between slices, let out a little burp, and lean back on the couch, seemingly content to take his time while Jeff steadily munched on watermelon cubes. 

Before Jeff knew it, he looked down and a little over half of the bowl was gone. Jeff raised his eyebrows, surprised, suddenly realizing that he was comfortably full, that his stomach was pushing slightly into the rim of the bowl from where it had previously rested easily between his legs. 

“Oof, I’m already kind of full.” Jeff said, suppressing his own burp. 

Abed looked over at him, leaning over to peer into Jeff’s bowl. “No wonder, you almost have half a melon in you.” Abed reached over, pushing the bowl aside to feel at Jeff’s stomach. His fingers kneading into his gut before hooking a finger into Jeff’s bellybutton through his shirt, jiggling his belly fat. “Hmm, you’re so soft, you’re definitely rounding out.” Abed said, patting Jeff’s belly approvingly. 

Jeff couldn’t pull his eyes away from what Abed was doing. He felt a hot, shameful thrill go through him while Abed inspected and jiggled his stomach like he owned it. He felt objectified, and very turned on. 

“You definitely have more room in there though.” Abed said, leaning in to give Jeff a kiss. “How about you be a good boy and finish that bowl, and then you can take a break.” 

Jeff nodded, his heart in his throat. He wanted really badly to be good for Abed. 

Abed smiled, leaning away and go back to his pizza. Jeff went to work on the rest of his bowl, aware that each piece of watermelon was sliding down into his stomach to join the rest. He felt full and sloshy and high, on weed and endorphins. He was going to be good for Abed. 

Soon the bowl was empty, Jeff popped the last cube of watermelon into his mouth and swallowed it with a sigh. He looked down at his stomach, which was now fighting for space with the bowl in his lap. It was full and round, his shirt pulled tight across his belly button, which looked wide and soft underneath the fabric. With some effort, Jeff up to place the bowl on the coffee table, struggling a little against the new girth of his stomach. He felt the weight of it against his lap as he leaned forward to set the bowl down. 

Jeff let out a breath, Leaning back on one hand, pushing his stomach out further and resting a hand on top its curve. He looked over at Abed, who was opening staring at him, his mouth hanging open slightly. “I finished the bowl.” Jeff said with a smile. Feeling a little smug that Abed was so gob smacked. 

“How… how do you feel?” Abed said, clearing his throat a little. 

“Huge.” Jeff said, rubbing one of his hands over the swell of his stomach. “This has to be what pregnant women feel like.” 

Abed groaned at that, pressing the heel of his hand against the erection straining the front of his sweatpants. “God you’re going to kill me.” 

“Was I good though?” Jeff said, feeling a surge of vulnerability go through him as he sat there, bigger and fuller than he ever had in his life in front of the only person in the world he wanted to impress. 

Abed’s face softened into a smile, he scooted over to Jeff, kissing him sweetly. “You were very good.” Abed said, smoothing his hand over Jeff’s overfull stomach. Abed traced his fingers lightly over the spot where Jeff’s straining t-shirt had ridden up to expose the strip of skin just below his belly button. “Look at you, all big and round and sloshy for me.” Abed said, jiggling Jeff’s stomach. Jeff groaned as he felt all the watermelon juice inside his stomach shift around. “Your shirt can’t even contain your gut anymore. All because you were a good, fat, boy for me and stuffed yourself.” Abed reached around Jeff, grabbing at one of his love handles, squeezing it teasingly. 

Jeff felt like his face was going to light on fire. The shame and lust riding through him powerful and dizzying. 

“I don’t think you can fit that whole watermelon in you tonight, you’re a good boy, but you’re too ambitious.” Abed said, reaching back to grab a large slice of the pizza. “But, I can ‘t have you going to bed with just a belly full of watermelon, can you eat this for me?”

Jeff, groaned and nodded. 

“Good boy.” Abed purred. Pushing Jeff back to lean against the back of the couch and throwing one leg over to straddle him. “Open up.” 

Jeff opened his mouth obediently, taking a huge bite of the slice. Jeff struggled to chew as Abed gently wiped sauce off his chin. He barely swallowed before Abed was shoving the slice back into his mouth. Abed did this again and again until the slice was finished. Jeff could feel the bread and sauce struggle to get down his throat. Abed reached back, grabbing what was left of the soda and holding it up to Jeff, who nodded through his last mouthful of pizza. 

Abed grinned, uncapping the soda and holding it while Jeff drank, one gulp, then two, then three and four, until he tapped Abed’s thigh, signaling that he was done. Abed prompted him to take one more big drink before pulling the bottle away, which was now almost empty. 

“There we go, there’s my good boy.” Abed said, wiping Jeff’s mouth. 

Jeff groaned again, looking down at his stomach. If possible, it was even more distended then it was before, pushing into his lap between him and Abed, huge and round. Jeff’s shirt had ridden up over his belly button. He tried to pull it back down but found that it was in vain, his belly was simply too big now for the shirt to hide. 

“Too bad about your shirt” Abed said, with no trace of remorse in his voice. Abed slid off of Jeff’s lap and onto his knees between Jeff’s legs. Abed nuzzled at Jeff’s cock, which was still straining against the confines of his sweatpants. “But maybe you can wear it as a crop top now, let everyone see that big new belly of yours.” Abed pulled Jeff’s cock out of his sweats, not bothering to pull Jeff’s pants down. He stroked it lightly. “What do you think? Do you want everyone to see what a fat glutton you’ve been?” 

Jeff moaned, thinking about parading his belly, bigger, rounder, fatter than it actually was out in public. “People would stare.” 

Abed nodded, his grip on Jeff’s cock teasingly light. “They would. They would whisper. They would see it bounce and jiggle while you walk and know that you had been stuffing your face.” 

Jeff moaned, louder this time. He tried to reach down to Abed, to buck his hips for more friction, something. But found that he was held down by his huge, bloated stomach. It turned him on even more. Abed had stuffed him until he couldn’t move and now he was helpless. “Abed, please. Please baby.

“Shh, I got you baby.” Abed said, dipping his head down to finally take Jeff into his mouth. It didn’t take long, the wet, hot heat of Abed’s mouth and the full press of his stomach was too much and Jeff came fast and hard into Abed’s mouth. 

Jeff took a minute to come back down to earth after that, between the weed, the sex, and his oncoming food coma, Jeff’s brain was completely blissed out by endorphins. He was aware of Abed cleaning him up and tucking his cock away. Abed sat next to Jeff, pulling him down so he was laying with his head on Abed’s lap. Abed threaded his fingers through Jeff’s hair, scratching lightly at his scalp in the way that Jeff loved. 

“How’re you feeling?” Abed asked after Jeff had fully come down from his orgasm. 

“mmm really, really good.” Jeff said. He felt boneless and more relaxed then he had in a long time. “very full.” 

Abed laughed. “Yeah, that’s going to take a while to go away. Did you have fun?” 

Jeff nodded, snuggling into Abed’s lap. “Mhm. Definitely wanna do that again.” 

“Anytime you want baby.” Abed said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice long, smutty, kinky, and sweet chapter for you! Tell me what you think. I knew food kinks aren't everyone's thing. But I thought it fit really well with their characters, and I personally know a lot of people who have connected with their bodies and addressed their food guilt through bdsm and this specific kink.


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